Happy New Year!  May 2024 be better for us all around.  

Came across this question a few seconds ago and thought on it a little.  I do still get pretty anxious in large groups of people.  A lot of that is just plain fear from when I had the cancer and no immune system.  I learned all too well that folks do not give a shit about being out in public with something communicable when I somehow ended up with shingles on my damn face.  At the time we did not know what the hell it was, it was just a big large leather patch that grew on my face and eventually had to get it biopsied to see what it was.  Since then, I do my best to avoid large crowds at least without wearing a mask.  Too many mouth breathers out there.  Maybe one day I will eventually not be so anxious about it.  Just not today.  

I really need to make time for this.  I honestly planned on journaling different things just to be a venting spot.. or maybe a spot for folks to get to know my rando thoughts.  

A lot has happened.  I did finally get the IT Manager position so 100% YAY! but now I am putting myself through testing for things like ADD.  I like my job and what I am doing and I really don’t want to fuck it up.  I know I completely suck at multitasking, organization, time escapes me, etc… so I figured.. may as well look into it more and do what I can to make sure I don’t screw this up.  

And now to do what I came here to do, post a few youtube links…

April is a difficult month for me.  Its not that it always have, there are plenty of great things to celebrate this month.  My mother, brother, son, and besty foresty’s birthdays are all this month… one after another.  These are awesome moments  to celebrate.. 

In 2016 I went into Duke Hospital for one hell of a medical ride.  Surviving the cancer, with everything I went through personally weighs heavily on my mind with comparison to all those who did not, have not, and will not survive theirs.  Case in point.  January of that year, I started the process of getting a bone marrow transplant.  While the process leading up to it was not that bad, cept for that bone barrow biopsy.  On the way down for me to check into the hote….hospital, I received a call that the man I considered a mentor to me had passed.  Not even from the initial cancer that almost took him the first time, but lung cancer that snuck up out of nowhere.  

It broke my heart.  

He was a kind man, a very well read and out spoken gentleman.  If ever there were a human being to aspire to be, it would be him.  He taught me a lot about being human, and being strong.  He told me about how he was part of one of the marches in Alabama during desegregation.  Here he was, a very white man, walking along side African Americans, when he was accosted by one of the cops at the time.  This officer drug him by his hair to a barber shop and at gun point forced the barber to shave his head.  It doesn’t seem like much, but at the time it could have been a lot worse for him. 

After learning of his passing, I was devastated.   But I pressed on.  The thought of guilt had not fully set in.  Really, that didn’t start happening till the second death that year.  

So now I look at April each year with happiness for being able to celebrate my brother, mother, son, and besty foresty’s birthdays.  Luckily these are all near the end of the month.  I start April each year looking at it in disdain.  

Regardless… to you good sir, Mr Owen Schultz.  This parting glass will always be for you good sir.  I hope one day I live up to the expectations you had of me.  

Pulchritudinous was one of the first few words I learned on my own when challenged by Amber-Lee Blake many many moons ago to learn more words than what I was taught. Its one of the few that has stuck with me throughout the years…
In the end, the cancer finally won, but not without her fighting back. She was a fighter and blissful to be around. She was not about to let it slow her down either. She had made up her mind, and was going to do the things she was going to do before leaving. Between us, there were never good byes or hellos, just a pause on the conversation. Even if that pause was a few years.
I remember when I had first come out of the hospital and needed a baby sitter one day. When trying to figure out, just called out of the blue to ask, and there was absolutely no hesitation. “Of course I will!” Then she got on to me for doing to much from trying to cook all day. She even hearted Nigel (#NigelTheMannequin).
I won’t say this is good bye. Ill just talk you later. So this parting glass is for you m’dear.